hello cyber world

Yes, I am still trying to keep in touch with the cyber world. But every time I promise to blog again in a manner that is even remotely close to being regular, Zido comes along for a smelly nappy change or a sweet cuddle, or a piece of freelance translation or editing lands on my lap with a close deadline, or I feel guilty and gather up an enuthusiasm for finishing a part in my thesis, or I spend hours in the kitchen cooking up an authentic Egyptian dish that me or Ali suddenly craved.. What can I do? C'est la vie indeed.

Anyway, Zido is past one year old now and is as naughty as all boys are, freelance work continues to be good for the mind and the pocket, my PhD remains my unborn baby that I love sometimes and am fed up with some other times, and the kitchen.. well, we gotta eat. That's my personal update, to be brief.

But, I just discovered that I never got round to posting a picture of Ziad on my blog. I had this dream of setting up his own blog since he was born and posting pictures and stuff on it.. Well, imagine what future his blog has now :)

So, here is a loooong overdue picture of my small family.. me, my hubby and my son.

Mai

mummy is blogging again..!

I can't believe I am.. I actually thought I've reached the end of my blogging tunnel. But as I was sitting here feeling so mmm.. what's the word.. so wanting to blog, I found myself going to my bookmarks, clicking on my blog and inserting a first birthday ticker for Zido.

So, it's been ages.. and now I am a mum. One thing about being a mum is that.. IT KEEPS YOU BUSY.. So I am not going to waste a lot of time trying to describe to you what happened since i last blogged: the last tiring weeks of pregnancy, the delivery and the horrible pain of pushing that I wish men can experience, and the mad, hectic life I've been living since Zido came. I can't believe how cute he is, and I can't believe how much demanding it is to take care of a baby.

Anyway, I just thought to bring my blog back to life again.. will write again soon.

Mai

and it's almost half way through..

WOW.. 50 days have gone and 50 days still to come. Well, theoretically that is.. In the midst of all the confusion about the British way of calculating the due date, I have a feeling that I will deliver before this date, not to mention that my mum is convinced I will. Actually I hope so, because it really feels that I have been pregnant for ages, and as I am getting heavier and heavier everything becomes less comfortable. Even baby moves now are not very comfortable, and boy does the baby move.. even Ali sometimes feels it and says, "aouch, that one was strong". At this of course I say back, "well, baby seems to be naughty like it's dad" :)

Meanwhile, I am thinking about all things baby.. baby shower, baby shopping, baby blog, and all the whens, whats, and hows related to all this. It's exciting yes, but sometimes it feels daunting. At the end of the day all I can wish for is that we make all the right decisions.

As the pregnancy is nearing its end, I keep thinking about the pros and cons. Of course, you can imagine which list is the longer. But as the order changes in these lists from time to time, still the number 1 on the cons is the unchangeable, unbeaten mood swings. God, I cried in the last 7 months or so like I have never cried before in my life. I'm glad this will be over soon.

Well, as the baby is active now and is doing strange things inside me , so I think I will go lie down and talk it through with him :)

It only remains to wish everyone a happy Xmas and a great new year.. I know that next year for me and Ali will be very special.. it will be the year when we move from being a "couple" to being a "family" :)

mum-to-be
Mai

and the countdown begins..

ONLY 100 days ONLY till due date ONLY..

phew.. :)

mum-to-be
Mai

..with a grain of salt

More than ever, I now live my life with a grain of salt.. literally and metaphorically. Literally, because I devour anything salty that comes my way.. from salt and vinegar Pringles to pieces of anchovies on a warm toast. And metaphorically, because.. well, what is a better time to be skeptical about everything?

p.s.
early this morning, it "might" be Ali's first time to feel the baby "kicking" which he described as a very "nice" feeling. (how about that for skepticism? :) )

mum-to-be
Mai

my new motto from now on will be..

The Moving Finger writes; and having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Al-khayyam

mum-to-be
Mai

back pain..

This is the keyword for my life right now.. The last 10 days? I don't want to talk about it, it's enough to say it was hell..
Now I am trying to find a way to sit comfortably on my desk to study while I try hard not to think about my aching back screaming please lie down in bed, as I said good bye to the so-called "good night sleep" a while ago, and at the same time keep my hopes up that this is a transitional phase and that I will regain my lost energy in about 3 weeks as everyone who has been pregnant before has told me in the fit of sisterly advice that overwhelms friends once they know you are expecting although I am already convinced that each single pregnancy is unique..... phew. Easy, huh?!

But you know what's the real annoying thing? I DON'T FEEL BABY MOVEMENT YET.. Am I such a bad mother already that I can't feel my own baby inside me?!#@$!&?

mum-to-be
Mai

my baby calendar

As you can see on the right, I've inserted a baby calendar.. :) I don't know if it's actually going to count down successfully, but we'll see..

Can you believe it's ONLY 163 days.. wow, it sounds sooooooooooooooooo long.

mum-to-be
Mai

birthdays, births, and days..

Yes it has been looooooooooong days since I last blogged, sorry about that, but you have no idea what I've been through.. it has been all about celebrating birthdays, i.e. mine and Ali's, celebrating the birth of the fruit of our love inside me, i.e. a baby, and just spending days and days feeling excited, tired, happy, worried, grateful, panicked towards it all..

Here are the highlights:

(1) one week after we got back from our anniversary holiday I became tired and suspicious :(
(2) one week after that i was more tired and more suspicious :(
(3) one week after that my suspicions were put to rest, it's a baby :)
(4) a few weeks after that I had my first ultrasound scan, now I'm sure it's a baby :)
(5) a few days after that we announced the news to everyone, now everyone knows it's a baby :)
(6) a couple of weeks after that I heard the baby's heartbeats for the first time :)

Now, physically and emotionally, I am a different person. You can't begin to imagine what it's like unless you are a woman who went through the same experience, and even then, every woman has a unique angle to it.

For me, it actually feels strange and weird whenever I look at this picture on my desk and I wonder: "is this really inside me?"

p.s.
this is not my actual scan or my actual baby, but it is the closest I could find on the internet.. and to be honest, they all look the same at this stage, don't they? :)

mum-to-be
Mai

what do i want?

Well..

I want to able to listen to recordings of piano sonatas and know who's playing... I want to be fully engaged in the World of Ideas, I want to understand complex economics, and what people see in Bob Dylan... I want to use words like 'eponymous' and 'solipsistic' and 'utilitarian' with confidence... and I want to be able to speak many languages fluently, and maybe even a dead language or two, and to carry a small leather-bound notebook in which I jot incisive thoughts and observations, and the occasional line of verse. Most of all I want to read books; books as thick as a brick, leather-bound books with incredibly thin paper and those purple ribbons to mark where you left off; cheap, dusty, second-hand books of collected verse, incredibly expensive, imported books of incomprehensible essays from foreign universities.

No, really.. what I want is:

At some point, I'd like to have an original idea.

"Starter for Ten", David Nicholls, p.12

p.s.
(1) I started reading this on our holiday, it's hilarious.
(2) I came very close to reading "incomprehensible essay" at times, and I do 'see' that there is something about Bob Dylan, I just can't figure out what it is yet.

Mai